Come along with me and meet a beautiful exchange student who does an improbable striptease on the internet (due to a mistake in programming that even one of today’s kindergartners wouldn’t make) or attend a party where one of our young heroes makes out with another kid’s mother (yes, she has Lee Press-on Nails) on top of a pool table while a wild graduation party goes on. Watch young Oz, the handsome clumsy jock (and I must admit, well-acted by the always good Chris Klein), play high school lacrosse and lament his coming graduation because where will he go to play his favorite game. Or if that doesn’t tear at your heartstrings, join everybody in the "loo" and talk about what you’ve missed! One really wonders what kids who see this kind of drivel think the real world is all about? And you also wonder just what the young girls of today think about all this male manhandling?

There is one bright and imaginative moment and that revolves around a communal diary of sorts, where select members of the senior class record their sexual adventures--and their conquests--keeping the book hidden in the recesses of the school library. This is no kiddy Kama-Sutra but an often-amusing retelling of the heights of teenage passions. Boy, what an idea for a movie, but the producers here devote ten minutes of screen time to this prop and we’re back getting ready for the Senior Prom and who’s doing what to whom.

"American Pie" tries to be a cherry tart but winds up being a stale donut, served up on a dirty plate.