Do you want to find out who were the real heroes and heroines throughout ocean voyages? [hint: not the captain. And not always his cabin boy, either]

Do you want to know what a prolonged diet of salt pork, biscuits and no fruit or vegetables really does to you? [hint: think of the worst constipation from hell, triple it, and then imagine what the accompanying chronic open sores must feel like in a perpetually salty environment]

Do you want to know what were the most successful personal traits for real life survival on a deserted island? [hint: these same traits will now land you in a Super Max correctional facility]

If you want to know these things, then you simply must read this truly bizarre and lavishly entertaining little book. You won’t be disappointed. Grossed out, maybe, but not disappointed.

Selkirk’s Island is the perfect vacation reading. Think of all the opportunities in which to use this fascinating book! Let say that you are at the beach or poolside, and onward stumbles some intrusive, sunscreen-slick fool who starts pestering you about “what’s that book about?” You say:

“Oh, this book is about how the privations during 18th century sea voyages drove sailors to kill, eat, or screw every animal they came across on uninhabited islands. And the author, Diana Souhami, proves it all.”

Really, the possibilities are endless!